


Cross My Heart

by hurricaneredd



Series: RQ Femslash Week [1]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Brief mentions of Cel, Brief mentions of Hamid, Brief mentions of Skraak, Brief mentions of Wilde, Brief mentions of Zolf, F/F, Just...a lot of brief mentions, This is really an Azu centric fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23277118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurricaneredd/pseuds/hurricaneredd
Summary: Azu visits a memorial and confesses her feelings.
Relationships: Azu/Sasha Racket
Series: RQ Femslash Week [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673881
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26
Collections: RQG Femslash Week 2020





	Cross My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a small thing...no more than 500ish words...it was such a last minute idea...how did we get here, lads and/or blokes?
> 
> In all seriousness, I had way too much fun writing this. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> As with all of my works, this is absolutely not edited. Any and all mistakes are from late night, manic writing.

The cold chill of the winter winds of Otaru settled deep within Azu’s bones, and she shivered, memories of Rome filling her mind as she fought to keep moving. Keep going forward. Always forward.

It’d been so many months since she and Hamid got back from their adventures in Rome, and in all that time Hamid never once lost the hope that they’d find a way to get their friends back. It was one of the many things she loved about her halfling friend. He was all she had left of their little ragtag bunch, and she could never fault him for keeping that flicker of hope burning.

She wished she could say the same.

As each day passed and they trudged ever onward to find answers to this infection that spread further and faster than they could keep contained, the harder she found it to hold onto that hope, a sorrow settling deeper than the cold could ever pierce. She hated that that was her truth, but with how bleak things had looked _before_ finding out the world was burning, it was hard not to be disheartened, at least a little bit.

Still, she’d never rob Hamid of the comfort he found in hope. And she’d never fully be able to give up the idea that maybe some day, after all of this was resolved and they could breathe freely and collect themselves long enough to make a plan, that hope will blaze once more, an inferno fueling her on, but for now—

For now she had to focus on the here and now, and sadly that meant putting the world before herself and before her—

Before Sasha.

Clutched ever so gently in her hands, Azu holds a small bouquet of flowers. The carefully picked mix of camellias (yellow, red, and white), asters, and forget-me-nots made for a dazzling display of colors, especially against the white backdrop of the snowy blanket covering everything. She didn’t know how the florists managed to keep such flowers in bloom in the middle of the winter, but she was grateful nonetheless.

As she trekked through the windy, snow covered path that led to the mini remembrance she’d made for Sasha, her mind drifted.

She wondered if Sasha would like it here, surrounded by so much fluffy white _cold_ , soft lights dancing along the different paths. Would it steal her breath away the way that a new and shiny dagger could? Or would she hate the cold—hate the way her teeth chattered as she shivered and burrowed deeper into her studded leather jacket? Maybe she’d love the sight of the ocean and the way the sleepy little port town was slowly building itself up. Maybe she would even let Azu hold her hand, fingers intertwined, as they walked beside the canal.

Goddess above, she _missed_ her.

The ache that’d settled itself into her very core the moment they landed in Rome and realized that Sasha and Grizzop weren’t with them flared, and she felt the stinging prickling of tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. Clenching her jaw, she held them at bay, forcing herself to take one step forward.

And another.

And another.

The winding path eventually led her to the small clearing in the middle of a copse of trees. Driven by sheer force of will, ignoring the sound of rushing blood and the pounding of her heart as it beat against her ribs, she closed the distance to the memorial.

It wasn’t much. In fact, it was quite bare. But it was simple and reminded her of the rogue. A small dagger she’d found one day in the market—it had reminded her so painfully of Sasha that she didn’t hesitate to buy it—and a rather rough likeness of her that Azu sketched one sleepless night were the most prominent items that mattered. There was a smattering of wilted flowers scattered about, blown from their resting place by the wind. She thought Sasha would appreciate the simplicity of it. 

Carefully, she tucked the newest bouquet in its place—a small hollow carved out of the tree she’d placed everything—busying herself until she couldn’t put it off any longer. Tearing her gaze from the flowers, she looked at the drawing, a wobbly smile gracing her lips.

“Hello, Sasha.”

The greeting feels foreign on her lips, like it’d been unspoken in too long to feel natural. Her mouth remembered the motions, but the words still felt like led on her tongue.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long. We’ve found another connection between the infection and the simulacrum. At least, we think we did. Wilde—”

She stopped and took a breath. The muscle in her jaw twitched.

“Wilde sent us to another town in Japan. It wasn’t quite as bad as Shoin’s base, but it was nothing like here. Still, I’m hoping this will bring us one step closer to righting things and not leave us with more questions than answers.”

The more she spoke about what they were doing, the easier she found it. The ache was still there, but it was dull, numbed at the idea that maybe, just maybe, somewhere Sasha would know that she wasn’t forgotten.

“Zolf misses you. Hamid and Wilde, too, of course, but I think Zolf misses you most. I do not know what your two’s relationship was like, but there is a deep sadness in his face whenever he thinks of you.”

She continued to speak. About Cel and their latest alchemical experiment and about Hamid and his slow progress in becoming more and more dragon like. She spoke about the way Zolf needled Wilde to take breaks when they were in the same room for more than ten seconds. She regaled the empty clearing of Hamid and Skraak and their reunion once the kobolds took back the base from Shoin’s men. Anything and everything that crossed her mind, she spoke until her throat was hoarse and her jaw ached.

Eventually, she was out of words. Well, almost out of words. There was just one more thing she needed to say. It was the entire reason for her coming out here in the freezing cold, clad in full armor that absorbed the cold far more than she was comfortable with.

“I loved you. I still do.”

The confession was all but a whisper in the still air, but she couldn’t bring herself to say them any louder. She may be a paladin of Aphrodite and thus of love and beauty, but even this felt like too much for her to bear. To speak them any louder, to hear the words echo in the emptiness—she wouldn’t dare.

“I will find you, and I will bring you back. Both you and Grizzop.”

The words were uttered with such fierce certainty, and that slowly suffocating ember raged once more. Determination flowed through her, and if anyone was around to see her, they’d see the way her eyes burned brightly, a look of absolute certainty flaring.

“This I swear to you. On my oath of a paladin, I will stop at nothing to bring you home.”

She would not beak this oath, for it was too precious to her—too sacred. Come hell or high water, she would tear the planes apart with her own hands if it meant bringing the woman she loved back home.

(If that thought was contradictory to her grim determination to save this world, no one would blame her. Love made people do dangerous, reckless things.)

“I promise.”


End file.
